A Reasonable, Common Sense Offer To My Employer

I feel your pain Corporate America. I know how in this dog-eat-dog ruthless cutthroat culture that is capitalism in the 21st century, a dollar wasted can mean catastrophe. Pennies must be pinched, pinched until they beg for mercy!! Unnecessary expenses are a threat to our very way of life, it says so right in the Constitution. Go ahead, read in the constitution for yourself what it says about the rights of corporations, especially the part where it defines them as artificial persons.

(psst....that was a trick. The word "corporation" never appears in the Constitution, the first three words of which are "We the people")

Corporate America, I want to do my part to help in your never-ending battle to save a buck. That's why I'm offering the Drugmonkey free pharmacist salary monitoring service. Sign up for this program, and I will make sure you do not spend more on pharmacist salaries than is absolutely necessary. I wlll offer helpful tips on ways to spend less on pharmacists, saving you valuable payroll dollars to use as ammunition in your battle for market share. I ask for nothing in return. I do this only because it is the right thing for you.

"That's pretty fucked up Drugmonkey" some of you might be saying. "You can't be in charge of a program that works against your own financial self interest. This 'program' is either a sham or you have some sort of ulterior motive."

You would be right. Remember how you figured that out as you read this sub-headline from Friday's New York Times:

Eli Lilly has offered to monitor doctors to make sure they are not wasting money on mental illness drugs.

Mental illness drugs like Zyprexa. Made by Lilly. I want to reiterate here that any money "wasted" on Zyprexa by doctors that don't know what they're doing goes straight into Lilly's pocket.

I think I shall also start a program to monitor the clerk at the liquor store to make sure he does not give me more scotch than I pay for.

The Times goes on to say:

Doctors who veer from guidelines on dosage strengths and combinations of medications for Medicaid patients are sent “Dear Doctor” letters pointing out that their prescribing patterns fall outside the norm. Compliance is voluntary.

Really...... so Lilly is gonna keep an eye on doctors that use Zyprexa outside of guidelines. I wonder if the FDA approved indications for Zyprexa would be considered a guideline? Because it sure seemed like Lilly at one time was totally trying to get doctors to use Zyprexa in ways not approved by the FDA. Maybe Lilly will send itself a letter. Of course it does say compliance is voluntary.

You might think this is a "funny in a stupid way" kind of story, and it is, there is also however, a dash of "scary in an evil way" spice to this. Back to the Times:

The program also tracks whether patients are renewing prescriptions. Doctors are notified if patients are not, to prevent setbacks in their condition.

So.....if a person decides they would rather deal with their mental health problems instead of dealing with the weight gain, high cholesterol and blood sugar Zyprexa can cause, Lilly, out of only concern for the patient mind you, will now report that person to the proper health care authorites. You just gave up another bit of your personal soveringty to help out the bottom line of a corporation whose profits work out to around $304,000 an hour America. Nothing like living in the land of the free.

I think I hear voices in my head...........