I don't mean I don't know why I would be a good lighthouse operator. There is no doubt in my mind I would be the most kick-ass lighthouse operator in maritime navigation history. I could sit there, at the top of my lighthouse all day long, with a book or something, and when I saw a ship on the horizon, I would know in the marrow of my bones that there would be no way it would hit any rocks. Because I would have a backup light bulb next to me. Just in case.
It wouldn't be all business though. As the ships passed by I could tap out things like "You suck" in Morse code using my giant light. If the ship's Capitan figured it out, he wouldn't be mad, because I had done such a good job of making sure he didn't become grounded, and because he would realize that injecting a little fun into the day is one of the things that made me the world's best lighthouse operator.
They'd probably put me in the goddamn lighthouse operator Hall of Fame.
What I mean is that I don't know exactly why these thoughts became so embedded in my mind today. I've known for years what a good lighthouse operator I would be, but today I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. Maybe the lighthouse is actually some sort of phallic symbol, and I realized today that the way to safe harbor for someone I know is through my penis.
I think I should use one of those glow in the dark condoms if that turns out to be the case.
