We may disclose your health care information to the following entities and/or under the given circumstances......
.......to contact the patient for the purpose of fundraising.
So, after raping you with a price tag of over a hundred bucks for 30 generic Ambien tablets available on drugstore.com for $17.99, my employer reserves the right to contact you for fundraising purposes.
Say what you want to about my employer, but they do not lack in the chutzpah department.
My favorite entity and/or circumstance in which your healthcare information may be disclosed however, is this:
-to authorized federal officials so they may provide protection to the president, other authorized persons, or foreign heads of state.
Why the hell was it considered necessary to write this into my store's HIPAA policy? In my fantasy world it would be necessary to include this in my HIPAA policy....
Fade to dream sequence here.....
Secret Service: DRUGMONKEY! We need your help!! The well being of the president is at stake!!
Drugmonkey: Are you high? I told you no early Soma refills.
Secret Service: WE ARE NOT JOKING AROUND!! We must know if Ali Al-HusseinCheney has had a prescription for Viagra filled at this store! We have reason to believe he may be planning a sodomy attack in the oval office!
Drugmonkey: A sodomy attack on George Bush?
Secret Service: Yes!
Drugmonkey: Hmmm.....well.... if the anal integrity of the president of the United States is at stake....
The Drugmonkey then punches up Al-HusseinCheney's profile on the store's computer and sees 500 Viagra tablets have been dispensed to him over the last month.
Drugmonkey: Doesn't look like we've ever filled anything for him here.....
There has to be a reason they put that in the HIPAA policy. Hope springs eternal my friends.
