I had a dream last night that I was talking on the phone. Keep in mind that when I say "night" I am referring to the period between approximately 5am and 2 in the afternoon.
"Drugmonkey" Said the voice on the line, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a question about this Vicodin prescription I got the other day. I know you always used to complain how doctors don't know how to dose Vicodin, but I can't remember how many you used to say you could take a day. My tooth really hurts but I don't want to take too much."
What a boring dream. Not only totally PG rated, but no flying monkeys, falling off cliffs, or monsters chasing me of the sort that put a little spice into the body's downtime.
I do constantly bitch about doctors not knowing how to dose Vicodin though. There are 500 milligrams of acetaminophen (Tylenol) in each Vicodin tablet. The maximum daily dose of acetaminophen is 4000 milligrams. At least 5 times a day I see a Vicodin prescription with instructions of "Take 1 to 2 tablets every 4 hours as needed for pain" Do the math. Doctors will also do this with Darvocet, which has 650 milligrams of acetaminophen per tablet. If you're a doctor and you have ever written a prescription with these instructions for Vicodin or Darvocet, please hit yourself in the nuts and set fire to your medical license.
Back to my dream though. When I woke up I had my cellphone in my hand, and a check of the call log showed that I had just talked to a restricted number for a minute and a half.
Thing is, I don't remember what I said in my dream. I hope I said eight tablets a day, because that's the answer.
At least they didn't ask why their copay was so high.
