The first customer of the day slammed his vial on the counter. "THESE DON'T WORK!!" He semi-screamed. "ALL THEY DO IS MAKE ME PISS!"
The prescription was for furosemide. Time for my counseling star to shine baby.
The customer also had a prescription for Prozac that ordered me to "dispense 60 tablets by mouth" Maybe the act of me forming a nice little Prozac spitball then getting them to the patient like a mama bird was supposed to help snap him out of his depression. Anyway, after I puked Prozac all over him I explained that furosemide is a diuretic, which means that it does in fact make you piss a lot.
As this was going on a lady asked the high school kid mopping the cough/cold aisle where the Nasonex was. I watched them search the allergy section together for a good 10 minutes. Nasonex is prescription-only. I'm a bad man.
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"Do you have any allergies to medicines?"
"You mean right now?"
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A fax showed up from a doctor's office intended for the Safeway on the other side of town. I forwarded it to it's intended recipient and was rewarded for my good deed with a phone call a few minutes later:
"I'm not filling this! I can't be sure it really came from the doctor!!"
Good call Safeway. Because you really can't be too careful when you're dealing with ibuprofen prescriptions on a doctor's letterhead faxed to you from a licensed pharmacy. Sometimes the customer is not the idiot.
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"Hi, I'm calling from Dr. Dumbass' office with a prescription for a patient. Do you need the patients name?"
I decided I didn't, and just gave the pills she ordered to the next person who came up to the counter. Sometimes the customer isn't the idiot two times in a row.
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"Is this the first time we've filled prescriptions for you?"
"Yes....oh....you mean today?"
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My technicians love the netflix. I don't know why. I never did hop on the netflix bandwagon even though I'm white enough to glow in the dark. This morning though, my technicians were talking netflix yet again.....
"You have to see 'No Country For Old Men' next"
"They made a movie about Drugmonkey?"
Middle age approaches like a towing thundercloud on the horizon.....
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The woman at the counter had tried to dress professionally but looked rather unnatural in her clothes. Go to any office park during lunch hour and you'll see no shortage of her type trying to powerwalk around the parking lot while wondering what Oprah would have eaten. "Is this the best thing to deal with stress?" she asked. She was holding a box of store-brand Ducolax.
I've learned the best thing to do in these situations is to get them talking. "What kind of stress are you dealing with exactly?" I said the words slowly, biding for time so I could think why on earth this woman thought she needed a stimulant laxative to deal with the burdens life was putting upon her.
"It's nothing in particular. I just need some help to relax sometimes so I can sleep."
Mystery solved. Relax. You see, the box of the store-brand Dulcolax was labeled only as "Corpo-pharmacy laxative"
Relax/laxative. Get it? Welcome to my world.
A full weekend of pill counting highlights and still a day to go....
