Or maybe I was doing research on my secret project involving botulism toxin. I'll never admit which one it was.
Allergan, you see, is the manufacturer of Botox™ A form of one of the most deadly poisons known to the human race. It has some medical use in the treatment of problematic eyelid spasms. It can also be injected into the skin of a cougar (an old horny woman, not the member of the cat family) to give her a better shot at landing a young piece of beefcake by making her skin look less wrinkly. There were rumors John Kerry used it during the 2004 presidential campaign as well.
Anyway, guess which form of Botox Allergan cares far more about? Hint. Did you even know it had a legitimate medical use before I just told you?
"So typical of Big Pharma" The cynical Drugmonkey thought to himself as the Allergan webpage loaded. I knew the score though. A Pharmaceutical Corporation's goal, like that of any corporation, is the accumulation of as many dollars as possible.
But then I saw this, the opening paragraph of Allergan's homepage:
Allergan, Inc. is a multi-specialty health care company focused on discovering, developing and commercializing innovative pharmaceuticals, biologics and medical devices that enable people to live life to its greatest potential — to see more clearly, move more freely, express themselves more fully.
Gasp! Allergan had changed! Their focus, the very first thing they say, is enabling people to see more clearly! Move more freely! Express Themselves! A president who isn't dumb and a Pharmaceutical company committed to enabling people to live life to its greatest potential on two consecutive days! My God! It truly is a new world!
That paragraph was located right next to an ad for Allergan's new product, Latisse™, and I wondered if perhaps this Latisse™ was a miracle cure for Trachoma. After all, eliminating the world's leading cause of infectious blindness would definitely help people see more clearly, anyone who isn't blind could most assuredly move more freely without one of those guide dogs, and not having to wave around a red-tipped cane in front of you would probably let you express yourself better. A perfect fit for Allergans stated goals! Plus, a better plan to treat Trachoma, which has blinded 8 million people worldwide, than the current one, basically blanketing a town in azithromycin once an epidemic has taken hold, would give Allergan bragging rights over those cocky bastards over at Pfizer. A win-win for everyone!
Of course you can also stop Trachoma, which has infected 84 million people, by building a town a basic sewer system. But that's effective and cheap and doesn't lead to resistant strains of bacteria you can make more money off of later by inventing new antibiotics. Plus it makes people think about poop, and who wants to think about poop? Anyway, I was convinced this Latisse™ would just have to be something like a new, vastly improved treatment for Trachoma as I clicked on the ad to find out all the details:
You couldn't click on the ad. I had to use Mr. Google, which led me to The New York Times:
First it was frozen foreheads. Now it’s Betty Boop eyelashes.
Allergan, the company that turned an obscure muscle paralyzer for eyelid spasms, Botox, into a blockbuster wrinkle smoother, hopes to perform cosmetic alchemy yet again. At the end of the month, the company plans to introduce Latisse, the first federally approved prescription drug for growing longer, lusher lashes.
Longer, lusher, eyelashes. Which when you think about it really, might actually work against Allergan's stated goal of helping people see more clearly depending on how long and lush those lashes got. Drat. Big Pharma lied to me again. At least we still have a president who isn't dumb.
"Drugmonkey, you corporate hating commie, you're not being fair!" I can hear some of you saying. Latisse™ is another version of Lumigan™, the glaucoma medicine, Allergan does have a commitment to help people see clearly!
Latisse will cost slightly more than Lumigan, which is $73 to $84 for a 2.5 milliliter bottle for patients who pay for it themselves.
Allergan plans on charging $120 for a 3 ml bottle of Lumigan with a different label. So yeah, I guess while they do have some sort of a commitment to helping some people who are rich or insured see clearly, they also have a commitment to ripping you off. What the New York Times calls "slightly more" is 37% higher per milliliter. For the same stuff.
There's no commitment whatsoever to the African villager looking for a decent place to shit however. No commitment from anyone. He'll take his dump the best he can and be blind someday. Enjoy your Big Pharma $120 a month body-altering mascara women of America, and remember always the reason prescriptions cost so much here:
All that cutting edge research that keeps getting done.
